My life is a word I've stared at too much, tried to sound it out so many times its meaningless. Like my recurring nightmare about infinity, where my self-hating thoughts loop together, recursively, reminding me about the nothingness I can't escape. I'm trying to sleep, to ignore, to not wonder why I'm not happy anymore, not that I ever am for long. Everything is bad you're just not looking close enough
The voice in my head is mine, but he speaks a little faster, and yells a little louder, and has an encyclopedic knowledge Of all of my faults, and sets up a slideshow behind my eyes, on nights after days where nothing went right.
There's an alternate timeline version of me, still smoking weed in a parked car, out behind the Target, listening to NOFX through broken speakers watching my friend Andrew roll his own cigarettes. I called him last year on St. Patrick's Day, I left a message, apologized for losing touch. He never got the voicemail, He changed his number years ago. I guess good friends always end up as random numbers.
The voice in my head is mine, but he speaks a little faster, and yells a little louder, and has an encyclopedic knowledge Of all of my faults, and sets up a slideshow behind my eyes, on nights after days where nothing went right.
We've all got those bad friends we always think about.
I think I'm in for some bad times. I'm a broken body, all thumbs and left feet, and I'm feeling like this feeling Is feeling a little too permanent for me to consider it temporary.
We've all got those bad friends we always think about.
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